Selecting a Life Partner

Since you probably have dated often in high school, you may assume that information about dating is of little importance. It may be well to remember that college dating has some points of difference. Many of the activities are the same, but the conditions of college life are quite different from those in high school. Although the college community is a miniature society, in the case of dating it represents a rather artificial setting compared with society in general. The majority of students fall in the eighteen to twenty-one or twenty-two age group. This may be beneficial for selecting a life partner of the appropriate age. On the other hand, the college setting may provide some barriers to dating and mate selection. For example, in some institutions there are unbalanced proportions of men to women. In many instances, students enter the college scene as complete strangers, which necessitate making new friends in order to date.

Your dating depends upon how you feel about yourself, your attitude toward the opposite sex, how socially expert you are at making friends, and how well you function in mixed groups and in intimate associations.

Some students find it easier than others to get dates. The difficulty may be the imbalance of sex ratio, but in many instances, parts of the difficulty are with the individual himself. It may help to know that most women and men have social handicaps, most of which can be overcome. Personal disadvantages may be a change to assets by learning the needed social attitudes and skills, whether it be developing self-confidence, carrying on pleasant conversation, accepting invitations gracefully and refusing unacceptable proposals effectively, learning to dance, sing, or get along with others, or acquiring empathy, an ability to put one’s self in another’s place and know how he feels. Social skills are best learned through participating in social functions. Oftentimes help is needed to bring out these social skills. Seeking such help from friends or counselors may make possible the learning of new and needed skills.

Dating may help provide the necessary additional experience for understanding and adjusting to the opposite sex. Dating assists the individual in making friends and keeping them mixing socially; having a good time; learning objectivity in judging members of the opposite sex; preparing for courtship; and learning to control emotions and urges in choosing a life partner.

Circulation is a key note for making friends. One does not meet people while sitting at home. Dates are made most frequently through mutual friends, through contacts in school, at church functions, through recreational activities, at vacation areas, and at work. Planning for making friends should take consideration places where there are opportunities for meeting members of the opposite sex. In college these opportunities are found at get-together dances or parties, at a variety of informal gatherings, in groups before and after classes, at the student union or the student social center, in clubs, at athletic contests, on trips in which a number of students participate, at the library, and in classes.

Since dating is the exploration period before selecting a life partner, it is the period when the individual can play the field to advantage. In some instances when a mate has been selected at an early age, with the exploration stage omitted, a most successful marriage has resulted. However, this is not generally true. A number of friends provide a greater opportunity for selecting one who has the desirable qualities of a lifetime partner. Also, there exists a basis for favorable comparison and contrast if one has made an election from a number of companions.

Dating may be an end in itself, or it may be rate in terms of possible marriage. However, much of the emphasis during dating is upon present satisfactions rather than future needs.